Why aren’t there more women bank robbers?
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Why aren’t there more women bank robbers?

Originally Posted: August 21, 2015

They say that the reason why women don’t violently kill people is because they don’t have that aggressive gene, basically they aren’t the testosterone filled fools like us men, and have a bit more common sense. See, I’m man enough to admit it.

But honestly, women, no matter how ugly they are, have one of the greatest assets for the criminal community, and I just don’t understand why, in this day in age, with the lack of funds to support one’s family, that it is women who haven’t become the worlds most popular bank robbers.

If you’re smart you have already guessed where I’m going with this but, let’s go anyway. Basically, If even an ugly women flashed her tits at you. As a man, you’re going to look. Considering traditionally most security guards are male, although there is a slow increase of female security guards but lets face it, they look a bit on the butch side most of the time, so this still applies. This technique could very well get you the Mona Lisa if you tried hard enough. When a women flashes her bobbies, funbags, dirty pillows, chest cows whatever you want to call them, even if it’s a set you’ve seen hundreds of times, time stands still and for a moment, all the attention is on them, tunnel vision takes on, and everything around them goes blurry and mute. Therefore, if a woman walked into a bank, on high beam, letting what god gave her out and in public view, there is always a very good chance that no one would even see what she looked like. She can even save money on a mask because no one will be looking. Ahh, but you’re saying “what about the old women who wouldn’t be interested in seeing a young perky set of boobs”? Well she’s doing either one of two things, either hiding her head in disgust (or maybe jealousy) or hitting her old husband on the head because his dentures have hit the floor and his jaw is only moments behind them.

Robbing a bank this way would work on many levels and still keep the liberated woman’s movement in good form. Not only is this potential Ned Kelly taken a less aggressive approach to provide for her family, she is using her femininity, her sexuality as a way to disarm and express power within the community. Done well enough, she wouldn’t even need to be carrying a gun. Surely we can’t complain about that.

That said, I don’t really wanna see anyone robbing a bank. But I won’t complain if you want to come into my place of employment and demonstrate your own bank robbing technique. Hell you can do it anytime you see me, in the street, on the bus. If you give me a chance to get a camera out and take a picture, we’ll take a vote at the end of the year as to who could have been the best bank robber and maybe offer some kind of prize, say a Super Saver Account at Maitland Mutual Building Society or something.

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